hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
