I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
