so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
