Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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