Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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