she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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