I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
