My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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