I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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