I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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