She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
