this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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