I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
