Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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