It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
