Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They took my balls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
