How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
