my vag is so smooth its legendary
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
