Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now