that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house