he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?