peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish I only lived at night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I checked into jail on foursquare
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks