Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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  (504): if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever) (512): Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them. http://tfl.nu/9n19
  Replies (3) Good night (1138) Bad night (541)
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  (415): View more from California

  This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations

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  (415): This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations http://tfl.nu/81ve
  Replies (7) Good night (792) Bad night (1425)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.

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  (970): The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito. http://tfl.nu/8dlm
  Replies (23) Good night (648) Bad night (3331)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.

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  (317): honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill. http://tfl.nu/orse
  Replies (10) Good night (3880) Bad night (701)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  I've never been more proud of you

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  (260): 3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella (1-260): I've never been more proud of you http://tfl.nu/g2u4
  Replies (20) Good night (5680) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.

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  (586): he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck. http://tfl.nu/s6ky
  Replies (15) Good night (5364) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper

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  (773): That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper http://tfl.nu/zcg4
  Replies (3) Good night (1944) Bad night (773)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.

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  (803): I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me. http://tfl.nu/ijqd
  Replies (14) Good night (2960) Bad night (1211)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?

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  (914): My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis? http://tfl.nu/29es
  Replies (14) Good night (492) Bad night (1726)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!

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  (561): This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED! http://tfl.nu/seat
  Replies (12) Good night (2257) Bad night (614)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird

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  (908): She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird http://tfl.nu/j88i
  Replies (3) Good night (1904) Bad night (720)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....

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  (513): I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know..... http://tfl.nu/0xlu
  Replies (14) Good night (2374) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT

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  (306): someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT http://tfl.nu/vqqx
  Replies (6) Good night (365) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.

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  (256): I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany. http://tfl.nu/68i2
  Replies (5) Good night (814) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this

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  (313): If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this http://tfl.nu/se64
  Replies (4) Good night (301) Bad night (275)

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