Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
