i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?