Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?