dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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