Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
