he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
