Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
