yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
