I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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