I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
