Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
