goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
