Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
