I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
