He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk is not a location!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
