I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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