Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
