she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
