party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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