we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
