Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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