Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
