I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
