is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
