Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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