I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
