i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
