If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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