Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
