Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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