Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
