oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
