why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
