Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.

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  (805): before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was. http://tfl.nu/5vrd
  Replies (41) Good night (5088) Bad night (1050)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.

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  (206): Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick. http://tfl.nu/0596
  Replies (43) Good night (1287) Bad night (2891)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.

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  (212): I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth. http://tfl.nu/x3q1
  Replies (13) Good night (6702) Bad night (862)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

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  (503): my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew. http://tfl.nu/fdzr
  Replies (88) Good night (5525) Bad night (865)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.

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  (954): i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month. http://tfl.nu/t4na
  Replies (4) Good night (3496) Bad night (597)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life

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  (847): just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life http://tfl.nu/dyz8
  Replies (8) Good night (2793) Bad night (942)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

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  (781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today. http://tfl.nu/2n0s
  Replies (21) Good night (2869) Bad night (686)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.

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  (715): Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration. http://tfl.nu/envu
  Replies (4) Good night (1370) Bad night (470)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow

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  (615): i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow http://tfl.nu/kcra
  Replies (4) Good night (405) Bad night (1249)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.

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  (563): Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me. http://tfl.nu/48rp
  Replies (11) Good night (3365) Bad night (860)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.

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  (919): Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka. http://tfl.nu/j4b1
  Replies (4) Good night (673) Bad night (786)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.

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  (901): I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes. (901): But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes. http://tfl.nu/ipaj
  Replies (4) Good night (1022) Bad night (360)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!

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  (614): I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit! http://tfl.nu/68by
  Replies (3) Good night (732) Bad night (490)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.

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  (+44): When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public. http://tfl.nu/y1be
  Replies (2) Good night (625) Bad night (279)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Our relationship needs a sober moment

  (1-719): View more from Colorado

  I'll call you when that happens

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  (719): Our relationship needs a sober moment (1-719): I'll call you when that happens http://tfl.nu/srmb
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (275)

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