youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by