i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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