i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬