Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.