my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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