Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
