I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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