I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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