I must be too annoying 4 u.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
