you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize