my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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