remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
