Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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