This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
