I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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