I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.