Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.