cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was like eating out sand paper
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?