I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.