So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.