He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up