hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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