You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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