Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
