Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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