Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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