Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
